I wrote this a long while back, and its one of my normal rants. I randomly thought about DA again... So, if ya feel like it read on.
------------------------------------------------
So, if any of you know me, you know I"m random.

And I do random things.

But this note isn't random. Its about a random event. Its a planned note, kind of like you plan to have a kid someday but get one unexpectedly. Haha.

One of those things that I did recently was take a walk at midnight. Actually it was a week ago. But. I still remember it like it was yesterday. It was one of those times.

So I started off walking up a really big hill we have at camp. I didn't bring a flashlight, so I used my cell phone. I also had my ipod with me, so I rocked out to Brad Paisley for a while, and he is one hunk of a man. Music-wise anyway. Not into the whole "men" thing anyways. I mean who is these days.

Anyway. So I started just thinkin about stuff and life and other things. So I'm gonna try to write out some of the things that went through my mind, so if you actually care to read this then you will hopefully understand some of what goes on in my mind. scary.

Stars are amazing. I wish we could all just always see them. They'd be amazing to have. Sometimes when I look at them, I think of who else is looking at them. Maybe she is looking at them. I wonder who else is looking at them? Who all in the world is thinking the same things I think about?
Isn't God amazing? If He is, why? Because he created me. And loves me. But. What if He isn't real. Questioning is natural. Its good. But really. Is what I'm doing really worth it? Yes. The I AM is. I really think a lot. But what. Why. What is thinking. Electrical stuff in the head. Is that all we are? Biological machines?

Walking on gravel is relaxing. I wish everyone would just take time and take a walk once and a while. Not with other people, just walk with me myself and I. They know stuff. Stuff I don't always think about when theres other people. I wonder who I'm ever going to marry. I need a cigarette. But I don't smoke. Why did I think of that? I wonder what she is thinking about. I haven't talked with her in so long. But why do I still think so much about it. I guess that emotion can turn into hate. You hate the ones you love the most. But I don't really hate anymore. Why? I don't know, I got hurt. She got hurt. I wonder what ever happened to the ring? I don't know haven't talked in ages. I should. Whatever.
Move on.
Wow its dark out. Hmm. Why do churches always look so grim? Not always, but sometimes. And its dark out. A car passed. I wonder who they are. What they're doing. Could we be friends? Maybe. Maybe more than friends. Haha. I make myself laugh.

I can't wait to start my life. I'm so excited for the life I'm gonna have. I wonder. I don't mind dying. It won't be bad. I'm willing to. If its for something. I hope I don't even die in vain. I wish I was over in the sandbox. I want to just get going now. Help out my brothers. Maybe someday I'll save someone's life. If only I'm that lucky. I'd take a bullet for someone. Maybe someday I will. Ya never know. I'm so excited to get my gun. It'll be exciting. I hope I get stationed somewhere warm. Or cold. I want to get started lol. I hope I get deployed to Iraq. I'd rather be there than here. I want to make a difference, so something, have my name written in the history books. Maybe someday kids will talk about me. I wouldn't mind it. I want to have kids someday. I hope I'll be a good dad. And a good husband. I hope I get a good wife too. That'd be nice. I wish I had someone to cuddle with now. But whatever. I'm leaving. No point in startin something I won't finish. Stupid me. And me being who I am. I like me. Ha thats a joke. I do, but I don't. Good old Paul, I do what I don't want to do, and what I want to do, I don't. Sad Day. Haha. I make myself giggle.

And out of my head now. Shoo!

Haha, anyways, one thing I was thinkin about when I was walkin down a road, I don't remember. But when I was I was deep in thought, and I heard an animal either growling or coughing, either one it scared the heck out of me, and I froze with my adrenaline pumping. It was scary, but it made me realize something. Even if its a coyote or wolf, I'm ready for it. When it comes down to it, I'm not scared of dying. Or living. Or pain for that matter. I'm scared of failure, and letting down the people that depend on me. If I did pass on, what would they say about me? Would it be good things or bad things?
It made me realize things about myself.

I am done now.

But if you ever think about it, walking for 2 hours in the pitch black in the middle of the country might not be your idea of fun, BUT, if you ever get the chance, self-reflection is amazing, and sometimes you realize things about yourself you would never think about in the first place.

Chow babe.

--------------------------------------------------

Anyways, a little update on my life. I'm happily married to the USAF, and I'm enjoying life in Grand Forks AFB North Dakota. Joined the air force to travel the world... Thats closest to home. Whatever.

So, what I do is I'm a USAF Civil Engineer. I'm a diesel mechanic/electrician. I work on electrical power generators. I'm working with my hands so I'm really loving it. I'm starting to go back to school, although I'm only takin one class for now just because thats all I really have time for. I just got back from being in New Jersey for a couple of weeks. It sucked by the way. Setting up a base is pretty tiring. Oh well. At least I get to go to florida next week for week of fun in the sun (aka training). I also found out I'm probably getting deployed in January, so that'll be pretty fun.

I got a tattoo, which is pretty sweet. I'm hopefully going to be getting another one here pretty quick. Maybe if I'm feelin motivated I'll put pictures up. Whatever.

Anyhow, if you're still readin my rant, you probably need to find something better to do with your time. Later.